Five Keys to Your Man's Inner Heart!

Are you a student of your husband?
Are you immersed in a process of learning what pleases him most?
Did you know that your husband — and most men — view romance through different lenses than most women? To confirm this, the next time you are in Bible study or Sunday school class, divide the men and women into separate groups and ask them to answer the same question: "What is something romantic that you would like your spouse to do for you?"
I'll guarantee you that, if they are honest, the men will focus on physical intimacy: "Dress up in a sexy negligee," or, "Meet me at the front door without any clothes." The women, however, will say things like, "Take me to a romantic, candlelit restaurant," "Spend time talking with me," or "Sit in front of a fire together and cuddle." Men are generally motivated by sight and touch, while women usually want to develop a relationship.
Meeting your husband's romantic needs involves more than understanding the differences between men and women. It also means remembering what pleases him. And it means sacrificing your own needs to meet those of your husband. Barbara and I have learned the hard way that selfishness and romance do not mix well.
I'd like to help you become an even greater student of your husband. This article can't teach you everything you need to know. You've got to carefully investigate the real thing. But here are five keys to help you know where to look for the deeper answers.

He Needs Your Sincere Respect
One of the deepest needs a man has is to be respected by his wife. Notice, I said it's one of the deepest needs. There are others, but your respect — or lack thereof — impacts his view. Respecting your husband includes listening to him, not simply hearing the words that come out of his mouth, but taking what he is saying seriously. If Barbara listens to me when I express a desire that I think is important for the family or the children, but never acts on what I have said, she has not shown me respect. It does not matter what the reason might be for her to ignore what I told her; it still hits me in the stomach. If she were to do this frequently, it would have definite consequences in our relationship and in the bedroom.
Another way to respect your husband is to honor him for what he is doing to meet the needs of the family. Showing gratefulness to a man is like feeding him his favorite meal. It is a feast to his heart and soul. Even if he is doing a poor job in some areas, there must be something he does well — providing for the family through his job, keeping the house clean, or perhaps leading the family in devotions.

He Needs to Feel Sexually Needed
Your husband wants you to be the receiver of his love in a way that communicates affection and warmth to him. It's best when you do this within the full blown perspective of being a woman, being feminine, not becoming masculine, but being the affirming arms of the love of God for your husband.
I will never forget an encounter with the young wife of a seminary student. She came up to me after I had spoken in a class for wives about how they could communicate love to their husbands, and she began to giggle.
"We were driving home the other night from youth group," she said (her husband was a youth pastor). "I turned to him and I said, 'Sweetheart, what would really encourage you to be a man of God?' There was a moment of silence, and finally he said, 'Well, it would really encourage me if I came home from class one afternoon and found you at home with no clothes on, welcoming me home.'"
The wife giggled again and asked, "Do you think he really meant it?"
I said, "I don't know. Maybe you ought to try it!"
Now, isn't it interesting that this man who has immersed himself in the study of the Scriptures answered his wife this way? You would think he might want a set of theology books or some time with a great man of God. No, he wants time with his wife, alone, just to be affirmed sexually.
This is a powerful picture. Your husband's sexuality is so much a part of who he is that it affects virtually every part of his life. The wise woman understands that her man longs to be needed sexually by her. If you really want to get to the bottom line for men, and you really want to express love to your husband in a powerful way, just express to your husband that you need him sexually.

He Needs Your Adventurous Companionship
When Barbara and I dated in the summer of 1972 in Dallas, you would have to say it was an intense relationship from the start. We went out 52 out of 55 days, and we missed those three days only because I was sick! Although there was no sexual involvement of any kind, we enjoyed plenty of romance. We did all sorts of things together — picnics, hikes, long drives, late night talks sitting outside her apartment…no two dates were the same.
We've had some great highlights in our years together since our wedding on September 2, 1972 — a trip for our tenth anniversary to New England in the fall to view the foliage, a getaway at a cozy bed-and-breakfast inn, a trip to the hill country of Texas…I could go on and on.
For us romance has always been spelled a-d-v-e-n-t-u-r-e. On one of our dates I asked Barbara, "Out of all the adventures and romantic times we've had together, what has been your favorite?"
I wasn't surprised by her answer: "Our honeymoon."
Now I know that's not true for some folks. But for us it was an all-time memory maker. I won't bore you with the details, but I took weeks to plan a two-week honeymoon in the Colorado Rockies. We camped, hiked, explored the magnificent Rocky Mountains, fished, took tons of pictures, and stayed in a cabin next to a roaring river.
She loved our time together because it was an adventure with plenty of time for just the two of us to talk and share our thoughts and our dreams.

His Sexual Satisfaction
Your husband is a sexual creature made in the image of God. Many wives misunderstand this. They think the male sex drive is something dirty. They wonder if God holds His nose every time a man initiates. Why do some women think this way? Because, in all likelihood, they fail to remember the male sex drive is God's idea.
I'm not surprised that this gift which God intended to use as a means to draw husbands and wives closer, Satan twists to drive them apart. Most men, for example, find initiating the sex act one of the riskiest ventures he could ever make. Why? Each time he initiates sex, he risks rejection.
When a man is rejected often enough, he typically internalizes his anger, his hurt, and his disappointment until such time when the rejection drives him to one of several reactions — none of them are good. Either he will give up on the relationship, he will seek alternative sexual outlets such as pornography, or he might compromise his wedding vows by pursuing female affirmation elsewhere.
Can you see how a wife has the power to affirm or to wound her husband? Let me add, when she affirms him she brings joy to her heavenly Father, too. Isn't that powerful? When you embrace your femininity and affirm your husband's sexuality, you are an agent of blessing. I'm convinced that as you meet your husband's God-given sexual drive along with other keys in your relationship — your husband will be a satisfied man.

A Final Encouragement
Our enemy does not want husbands and wives to be intimate — sexually or otherwise. In fact, everywhere we turn, innapropriate sex is celebrated: on television, in the movies, in popular music, in advertising, and especially on the Internet. Satan serves up a powerful counterfeit in order to keep couples from enjoying God's good design for sex.
This is why Barbara and I implore you to try something you may not have done before. Consider praying together about your sexual relationship. Pray that God will be honored in your marriage bed. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength to be selfless as your meet each other's needs. The Holy Spirit can guide you and lead you to be a better lover.
Really? Absolutely!
Why not pray softly and give thanks for your husband during the "afterglow." What finer moment to say, Lord Jesus, thank you for this man You've given me. Thank you for what we have just enjoyed together. Thank you for him. Thank you for his love and for his trust in me as a woman.
There is something about prayer and asking the Holy Spirit into your relationship that invites a selfless attitude, one that truly seeks to put the other person first. As you are sensitive to God's Spirit, you will become more sensitive to your spouse — even when it sometimes means denying yourself.
God longs for you and your husband to learn how to please each other and experience this incredible act of oneness that He reserved for marriage. How do I know?
Have you read Song of Solomon lately?

GodsView : What Is Grace?

GodsView : What Is Grace?: Many years ago, Dietrich Bonhoeffer coined a term that has come to characterize much of evangelical Christianity — it's the term &quo...

What Is Grace?

Many years ago, Dietrich Bonhoeffer coined a term that has come to characterize much of evangelical Christianity — it's the term "cheap grace." Cheap grace is in reality a self-imparted grace, a pseudo-grace, and in the end the consequences of living by it are very, very costly.
Cheap grace is not at all a reference to God's grace; it's a contemptible counterfeit. It's a grace that is "cheap" in value, not cost. It is a bargain-basement, damaged-goods, washed-out, moth-eaten, second-hand grace. It is a man-made grace reminiscent of the indulgences Rome was peddling in Martin Luther's day. Cheap? The cost is actually far more than the buyer could possibly realize, though the "grace" is absolutely worthless.
Bonhoeffer was a German Lutheran pastor and Nazi resister. He was hanged in 1945 by SS guards, but not before his writings had left their mark. Bonhoeffer's theological perspective was neo-orthodox, and evangelicalism rightly rejects much of his teaching. But Bonhoeffer spoke powerfully against the secularization of the church. He correctly analyzed the dangers of the church's frivolous attitude toward grace. After we discard the neo-orthodox teachings, we do well to pay heed to Bonhoeffer's diatribe against cheap grace:

Cheap grace means grace as a doctrine, a principle, a system. It means forgiveness of sins proclaimed as a general truth, the love of God taught as the Christian "conception" of God. An intellectual assent to that idea is held to be of itself sufficient to secure the remission of sins. The Church which holds the correct doctrine of grace has, it is supposed, ipso facto a part in that grace. In such a Church the world finds a cheap covering for its sins; no contrition is required, still less any real desire to be delivered from sin. Cheap grace therefore amounts to a denial of the Incarnation of the Word of God.
Cheap grace means the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner. Grace alone does everything, they say, and so everything can remain as it was before. "All for sin could not atone." The world goes on in the same old way, and we are still sinners "even in the best life" as Luther said. Well, then, let the Christian live like the rest of the world, let him model himself on the world's standards in every sphere of life, and not presumptuously aspire to live a different life under grace from his old life under sin (The Cost of Discipleship [New York: Collier, 1959], 45-46).

Cheap grace has not lost its worldly appeal since Bonhoeffer wrote those words. If anything, the tendency to cheapen grace has eaten its way into the heart of evangelical Christianity. While verbally extolling the wonders of grace, it exchanges the real item for a facsimile. This bait-and-switch tactic has confounded many sincere Christians.
Many professing Christians today utterly ignore the biblical truth that grace "instruct[s] us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously, and godly in the present age" (Titus 2:12). Instead, they live as if grace were a supernatural "Get Out of Jail FREE" ticket-a no-strings-attached, open-ended package of amnesty, beneficence, indulgence, forbearance, charity, leniency, immunity, approval, tolerance, and self-awarded privilege divorced from any moral demands.
Sadly, the rank-and-file Christian is further cemented in an unbiblical view of grace by what comes out of some seminaries. There are scholars who actually legitimize the error as a correct understanding of grace. They call their teaching "grace theology" and their movement "The Grace Movement."
They advocate a "grace" that alters a believer's standing without affecting his state. It is a grace that calls sinners to Christ but does not bid them surrender to Him. In fact, no-lordship theologians claim grace is diluted if the believing sinner must surrender to Christ. The more one actually surrenders, the more grace is supposedly watered down. This is clearly not the grace of Titus 2:11-12.
No wonder Christians are confused. Christian churches mirror the world; Christian leaders follow the culture; and Christian theologians provide their stamp of approval. The situation is nothing short of deplorable.
But here's what I propose — let's start by laying down a biblical definition of grace with this simple question: What is grace?
Grace is a terribly misunderstood word. Defining it succinctly is notoriously difficult. Some of the most detailed theology textbooks do not offer any concise definition of the term. Someone has proposed an acronym: GRACE is God's Riches At Christ's Expense. That's not a bad way to characterize grace, but it is not a sufficient theological definition.
One of the best-known definitions of grace is only three words: God's unmerited favor. A. W. Tozer expanded on that: "Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines him to bestow benefits on the undeserving." Berkhof is more to the point: grace is "the unmerited operation of God in the heart of man, effected through the agency of the Holy Spirit."
Grace is not merely unmerited favor; it is favor bestowed on sinners who deserve wrath. Showing kindness to a stranger is "unmerited favor"; doing good to one's enemies is more the spirit of grace (Luke 6:27-36).
Grace is not a dormant or abstract quality, but a dynamic, active, working principle: "The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation…and instructing us" (Titus 2:11-12). It is not some kind of ethereal blessing that lies idle until we appropriate it. Grace is God's sovereign initiative to sinners (Ephesians 1:5-6).
Grace is not a one-time event in the Christian experience. We stand in grace (Romans 5:2). The entire Christian life is driven and empowered by grace: "It is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods" (Hebrews 13:9). Peter said we should "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18).
Thus we could properly define grace as the free and benevolent influence of a holy God operating sovereignly in the lives of undeserving sinners.
Paul frequently contrasted grace with law (Romans 4:16; 5:20; 6:14-15; Galatians 2:21; 5:4). He was careful to state, however, that grace does not nullify the moral demands of God's law. Rather, it fulfills the righteousness of the law (Romans 6:14-15). It does not annul the righteous demands of the law; it confirms and validates them (Romans 3:31).
Grace has its own law, a higher, liberating law: "The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2; cf. James 1:25). Note that this new law emancipates us from sin as well as death. Paul was explicit about this: "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace might increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?" (Romans 6:1-2). Grace reigns through righteousness (Romans 5:21).
That is the good news of the gospel! God has acted to set us free from sin — not just the consequences, but it's very power and presence. One day we will never know the experience of temptation, a stray thought, a misspoken word, a false motive. Guilt will be gone, and with it shame, and "so we shall always be with the Lord" (1 Thessalonians 4:17).
In the meantime, we enjoy the liberation from sin's cruel power and defiling influence. God has enabled us, through grace, to "deny ungodliness and worldly desires" so that we can enjoy a sensible, righteous, and godly life in the present age (Titus 2:12). "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10).

GodsView : God's Christmas Gift!!

GodsView : God's Christmas Gift!!: Over the years, the legendary Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog has featured some pretty extravagant gifts. The 1963 catalog offered his-...

God's Christmas Gift!!

Over the years, the legendary Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog has featured some pretty extravagant gifts. The 1963 catalog offered his-and-her submarines for $18,000. In the 1964 catalog, you could buy a hot air balloon for $6,000. In 1967, the catalog's offerings included a pair of camels for $4,000. And in 1971, an actual mummy case was selling for $16,000. But this year, Neiman Marcus has upped the ante with a trip to outer space for $1.7 million.
Maybe a ticket to space isn't at the top of your wish list this year, but perhaps you have certain expectations of what you hope to find waiting for you under the Christmas tree. If you put your hope in what Christmas offers, however, you will be very disappointed. But if you can get past that to what Christmas is really all about, it truly can be "the most wonderful time of the year."
The wise men brought the rather unusual gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to Jesus. But the first Christmas gifts were not gifts to the Child. The first Christmas gift was the gift of the Child. Christmas, at its best and purest state, is a promise of something else, something that no holiday or experience or earthly thing can satisfy. Galatians 4:4-5 says, "But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons" (NIV). Isaiah 9:6 offers a description of what God has given to us:
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (NKJV)
Each of the above descriptions of the names of Jesus deals with an important area of our lives. They are like five Christmas gifts we can open, and each is special and unusual.
First, His name is Wonderful. That takes care of the dullness of life. "Wonderful" comes from the root word "wonder." The word used here for "wonderful" could also be translated "Amazing, surprising, astonishing, awe-inspiring." And as I contemplate the fact that the Almighty God made this sacrifice for me, it will produce in my heart a sense of bewilderment, awe, and finally, worship.
Second, His name is Counselor. That takes care of the decisions of life. We all have very important decisions that we have to make. The God who is Wonderful wants to give us counsel and direction. God has a plan for each of our lives-an individual plan, not a one-size-fits-all plan. When you are overwhelmed with the decisions of life, remember there is a God who wants to counsel you.
Third, He is the Mighty God. That takes care of the demands of life. We need to be reminded that Jesus was not just a good man. He was the God-man. And this God who is Wonderful, this God who wants to be your Counselor, will give you the strength to live the life He has called you to live.
Fourth, His name is Everlasting Father. That takes care of the destiny of life. We believe in an Everlasting Father with no beginning and with no end. It reminds us that life on Earth is temporal, that heaven is so much better than anything this world has to offer. Also, this hope of an Everlasting Father resonates with those who have never had an earthly father. Because of what Jesus did for us, we can now refer to the Almighty God, Creator of the universe, as our Father who is in heaven.
Fifth, His name is the Prince of Peace. That takes care of the disturbances of life. Life is filled with disturbances and, quite frankly, Christmas can be one of the most stressful times of the year. Old problems are often brought back to the surface. Friction, stress, and problems you are having with various family members can be at the forefront of your life at this time of year. But here is One who is the Prince of Peace, One who will help you with the disturbances of life.
Whatever gifts you may have waiting for you this Christmas, they pale in comparison to God's gift for you. It is better than anything the Nieman Marcus catalog could offer. It is the only gift that truly keeps on giving: the gift of eternal life.

GodsView : Do You Draw Near?

GodsView : Do You Draw Near?: Who is God? What is He like? Every fledgling believer asks those questions — the answers he finds evoke wonder and praise. Do you rem...

Do You Draw Near?

Who is God? What is He like? Every fledgling believer asks those questions — the answers he finds evoke wonder and praise. Do you remember that time? Your appetite for truth was insatiable, you attended every Bible conference you could, and you were faithfully involved in every ministry and program the church had to offer. Everything you learned about God filled you with joy and ignited zealous activity.
So, what happened? Sadly, I've watched many Christians lose the wonder of worship as the years pass. Life for them grinds on monotonously and church attendance becomes rote behavior — you sing, you listen to a sermon, you greet a few people with handshakes and smiles, and you go home.
If that sounds familiar, return to God by submitting to James' imperative: "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded" (4:8). To know the one true God is your glorious calling. Are you ready to draw near? Let me give you some practical encouragement on how to do that.

Understanding Worship
Worshiping God is the essence of being a Christian. Jesus explained that point to a Samaritan woman this way: "An hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers shall worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers" (John 4:23). If we are Christians, we are worshipers. Our hope of eternal life is really an anticipation of unhindered, unadulterated worship. "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent" (John 17:3). With that in mind, we evangelize the lost to gather more worshipers to fill our ranks. Worship then is at the heart of everything we are and do. Tragically, many Christians today have set their affections on the temporal things of this world, exchanging their great privilege of knowing God better for that which is mundane. King David had the best this world had to offer — money, power, success, fame — and yet he said, "One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple" (Ps. 27:4, emphasis added).
Let me make an important observation at this point. I think some people get the sense that doctrinal precision equates to emotional sterility. Though we can all point to examples of that, nothing could (or should) be further from the truth. There is no lack of passion in David's psalms, and his theology — under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit — was impeccable. Knowledge of God to Him was "to behold the beauty of the Lord" and he wanted to meditate on it for the rest of his life. Does that sound like cold orthodoxy to you?
Here's a simple way to look at worship: Worship is an overflow of a mind renewed by the truth of God. Cast in that light, delving into the truth of God's Word becomes discovery rather than dry and lifeless study. When you discover a great truth about God, you meditate on that truth — mulling it around in your mind — until it captivates your whole thinking process. That in turn will lead to worship.
Worship is really the outcome of two of the simplest Christian disciplines: Bible study and prayer. Study the Bible with the goal of discovering the wonders of God. Once you latch on to some great truth, fill your mind with it and ponder it in prayer before God. Your inner man will respond with righteous affections that will fill you with joy and renew your zeal to serve others.

Returning to Worship
So how do you get started? First, you must repent. The failure to worship God in spirit and in truth is not just an unfortunate lapse in spiritual enthusiasm, it is a sin. To love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind is not the greatest suggestion in the Law, it is the greatest commandment (Matt. 22:36-40). Confess your sin, clear your conscience, and get ready for step two — prepare to worship God. Acceptable worship doesn't happen spontaneously — you must prepare yourself. Let's look at Hebrews 10:22. "Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." That verse begins with the phrase "let us draw near" — it is our call to worship. What follows are four checkpoints to help you prepare for worship.
The Checkpoint of Sincerity — We are to draw near "with a sincere heart." That speaks of a genuine heart, devoted to pursuing God. It is hypocritical to be worshiping God when you are really apathetic or preoccupied with self. Draw near to God with your whole heart.
The Checkpoint of Fidelity — We are to draw near "in full assurance of faith." The Hebrews were clinging to Old Covenant forms of worship to find acceptance before God; but the coming of Christ put an end to ceremony and sacrifice. Each person had to be willing to say, "I'm coming to God in full confidence that I am not saved by a system of ritual. I come fully by faith in Jesus Christ." You too are to be fully assured that God accepts your worship, not because of what you do, but because of what Jesus did in providing atonement for you.
The Checkpoint of Humility — We are to draw near to God "having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience." That is, you come to God with the knowledge that you are unworthy to be in His presence. The only reason anyone can come to Him is the blood of Christ, which was shed on the cross as a cleansing for sin.
The Checkpoint of Purity — We are to draw near having "our bodies washed with pure water." That refers to the daily cleansing by the Word of God. The process of sanctification ferrets out sinful thoughts and exposes sinful behavior. Before you worship, confess the sins that God uncovered through His Word so you can draw near in purity.
Every time you worship, whether corporately or privately, try preparing yourself by asking these questions:

• Am I seeing God anew in the Word through discovery and meditation so I am compelled to draw near to Him?
• Am I being sincere? Is my heart fixed on Him and undivided?
• Am I fully assured that only faith in Christ can bring me to God's throne?
• Am I coming humbly, realizing I can draw near only because of what Christ has done for me?
• Is there any sin in my life I haven't dealt with?

Perhaps you've been attending church for years, but you've never really drawn near to God, nor have you sensed His nearness — even in your own private devotions and prayers. Now you know, or perhaps have been reminded: God has redeemed you so you can worship Him. It is the purpose for which you were created. Continue living in the light of the wonders you discover about God in His Word, and ask Him to teach you more and more by experience what it is to worship Him in spirit and in truth. That is a prayer our great God will delight in answering.